Some cub & scout humour….
What do you call an ant that helps a patrol leader?
An Assist Ant Patrol Leader.
What merit badge do you earn for getting your ears pierced in China?
Orient Earring.
Why did the Scout tiptoe past his tent.
He didn’t want to wake up the sleeping bags.
Two Scouts were walking through the woods when suddenly a lion leaped out in front of them. The first Scout cautioned the second to remain calm. “Remember what we read in the Scout Handbook. If you stand absolutely still, and look the lion straight in the eye, he will turn and run away.” The second Scout said, “Fine, you’ve read the Scout handbook, and I’ve read the handbook, but has the lion read the handbook?”
A Scoutmaster stopped in to see his Psychiatrist. “Doc you’ve got to help me. I keep having the same dream over and over again, and I can’t get rid of it.” “Tell me about your dream,” the psychiatrist inquired. The Scoutmaster responded, “The first night I dreamt about wigwams. The next night I dreamt about teepees. Then wigwams. Then teepees, then….” “Wait I minute,” the psychiatrist interrupted. “I think I know what your problem is. You’re just two tents.”
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You might be a Boy Scout if:
… you go camping just to get away from home
… your camping trip is too wet, too dry, too hot, or too cold
… your cooking fire resembles a bon fire
… the first thing you did with your first scout knife was cut yourself
… you attend your school dance wearing khaki and a neckerchief.
… you know 101 uses for a shoelace.
… you have holes in the pockets of your jeans from carrying a pocket knife.
… you begin to think half frozen french fries, don’t taste all that bad.
…you keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking dinner.
…you spontaneously break into strange songs in public.
…you can stare at a spider web for an hour, and not notice the time passing.
…you carry your own toilet paper wherever you go.
…you always read by a flashlight.
…your radio is always tuned to the weather station.
…you wear 2 pairs of socks to bed.
…you keep a lantern hanging outside your bathroom door.
…you sleep under a trash bag.
…you cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up.
…you carry a dufflebag size first aide kit in your car.
…you always have hat hair.
…you continue to wear it until it stands on it’s own.
…you’re always counting how many matches you have left.
…you tie up your little brother, and he can’t get loose.
… All your pots and pans are all black.
…you always cook enough food for twelve.
…you always have a cup hooked to your belt.
…all your dishes have little pieces of egg stuck on them.
…you know 365 one pot meals.
…you buy your shampoo in little tiny bottles.
…you order pizzas 14 at a time.
…you have the urge to help little old ladies -whether they want it or not.
…everything in your cupboard says “Instant, just add water”.
…you really do use those emergency sewing kits.
… you tie your shoe and check the handbook to see if it can go toward earning a badge.
…you see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle.
…you know 100 uses for a bandana.
…you actually own the book, “How to Sh*t in the Woods”.
…you have a collection of used candles and dryer lint.
…someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the air.
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Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire:
1. Split dead log into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand),
6. Light Match
7. Light Match
8. Repeat “a Scout is cheerful” and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labelled “kerosene.” Light Match.
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Re-label can to read “Petrol”
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps 1-15.
